Me and the Ghost

“I've never been one of those people who get zapped by static electricity when they grab a doorknob...” said the ghost who had been showing up at my house ever since last month.

“Is that so? Must be nice,” I replied. But the ghost ignored me and muttered, “And I've never been one of those people who get that brain-freeze thing when they eat something cold...” “Is that so? God must really love you,” I replied. But once again, the ghost didn't answer.

“Hey, you're a ghost! What the hell is with you ignoring a human being?!” I finally snapped. After all, this jerk had been ignoring me ever since the first time he showed up. Then, all of a sudden, the ghost looked me straight in the eyes. At that very moment, it is said, an overwhelming terror swept into my heart (though I was also a little bit happy).

I froze. The ghost looked away from me, muttered, “‘Brain freeze,’ my ass,” and spat on the floor. I kept staring at him. After a while, the ghost's body slowly grew more and more transparent, and my gaze shifted from where he had been to the wall behind him. “Oh, real-life Photoshop...” I muttered without thinking.

As I wiped the glistening spit off the floor with toilet paper, making an expression of utter disgust, my parakeet, which was allowed to roam freely around the house, chirped: “‘Brain freeze,’ my ass.”

For nearly a month after that, I had to listen to my parakeet saying exactly the same thing as the ghost.

First published in: Karada no Koto (free paper, October 29, 2011)